Define Your Personal Values: What Do You Really Stand For After 40?

Your personal values are the principles that define what matters most to you and guide how you make decisions, treat people, take care of your health, spend your time, and live your life. But your real values aren’t simply the things you say are important. Your repeated actions provide the evidence.

That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

Over the past several weeks, I’ve spent more time inside my parents’ house than I probably have in years. After my father passed away unexpectedly, I moved in with my mother for a few months to help her navigate everything that needed to happen before she moves to Ecuador in October.

We’ve sold the house, which was a huge weight off our shoulders, but selling the house created another enormous job.

We have to empty it.

When you’ve lived somewhere for decades, you accumulate an incredible amount of stuff. Furniture, clothes, photographs, paperwork, keepsakes, boxes that haven’t been opened in years, things you remember buying, and things you completely forgot existed.

Now we’re going through everything and deciding what gets kept, what gets sold, what gets donated, what goes to family, and what simply needs to be thrown away.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, something hit me.

Eventually, almost everything you spend your life accumulating becomes something somebody else has to sort through.

Think about that for a second.

You can spend decades working for the bigger house, nicer car, furniture, clothes, electronics, watches, awards, and all the other things we convince ourselves are important. Eventually, somebody else may be standing in a room deciding what to do with them.

But there are some things they can’t put into a box.

They can’t throw away the kind of man you were. They can’t sell the example you set for your children. They can’t donate the love you gave your family. They can’t discard your integrity, your faith, your character, or the principles you lived by.

Those things become part of the people you leave behind.

Going through my father’s belongings has made me think deeply about that.

And it’s made me think about my own values.

What Are Your Personal Values?

Your personal values are the principles that define what matters most to you and help guide the life you live.

Maybe family is one of your values.

Maybe it’s health.

• Faith.
• Integrity.
• Service.
• Loyalty.
• Responsibility.
• Freedom.
• Courage.
• Growth.

There isn’t one perfect list that every man needs to follow. Your values need to be personal because they’re supposed to represent the man you have decided to become.

But here’s where I want to challenge you.

Saying something matters to you doesn’t automatically make it one of your values.

• You might tell me your family is everything.
• You might tell me your health is important.
• You might tell me you’re a man of integrity.
• Great.

Show me.

Because your life needs to provide the evidence.

That’s the difference between having good intentions and actually living according to your values.

Your Values Become Your Compass

I’ve experienced this firsthand since my father passed away.

Was moving into my mother’s house for several months convenient?

Absolutely not.

I have businesses to run. I have my wife and my own family. I have responsibilities. I’m dealing with my back recovery and my own health issues, along with everything else happening in my life.

But when my mother needed me, the decision wasn’t particularly complicated.

Why?

Because family is one of my values.

Service is one of my values.

Responsibility is one of my values.

Those values didn’t make the situation easier.

They made the decision clearer.

That’s one of the most powerful reasons to define your personal values.

When life becomes complicated, your values become your compass.

Instead of making every decision based on what feels good, what’s easiest, what’s convenient, or what you feel like doing in the moment, you have something deeper guiding you.

You can ask yourself:

What would the man I say I am do in this situation?

Sometimes you won’t like the answer.

But you’ll know the answer.

That’s what values can do.

Is Health Really One of Your Values?

There’s one value I want every man over 40 to seriously think about.

Your health.

If you tell me your health is important to you, I don’t just want to hear the words.

I want to see the evidence.

What did you eat yesterday?

When was your last workout?

• Are you still strength training?
• Are you walking?
• Are you doing mobility work so you can continue moving well as you age?
• Are you prioritizing sleep?
• Are you addressing that nagging injury you’ve been ignoring?
• Are you managing your stress, or are you pretending it isn’t affecting you?
• Are you staying on top of appropriate physicals, medical appointments, blood pressure checks, screenings, and bloodwork when appropriate?

I’m not asking those questions to make you feel guilty.

I’m asking them to make you honest.

Because there’s a difference between saying, “My health is important to me,” and consistently living in a way that demonstrates your health is important to you.

That’s where your values have to become actions instead of words.

Taking Care of Your Health Is Also About the People You Love

There’s another side to this that I think men sometimes miss.

Maybe you tell me family is your number one value.

I love that.

But if family really is one of your highest values, then taking care of your health supports that value too.

Because your family doesn’t only need your income.

Your family needs you.

They need your presence. They need your energy. They need your strength.

They need you mentally sharp, physically capable, emotionally available, and hopefully around for as many years as possible.

Taking care of your health isn’t selfish.

It can be one of the ways you serve the people you love.

Of course, none of us can control everything that happens to our bodies. You can’t guarantee you’ll avoid illness, injury, disease, or tragedy.

Life doesn’t work that way.

But you can take responsibility for what is within your control.

• You can move your body.
• You can improve your nutrition.
• You can work on your mobility.
• You can prioritize recovery.
• You can get appropriate medical care.
• You can work on your mental and emotional health.
• You can decide that taking care of yourself is part of the responsibility you have to the people you love.

Why Your Values Matter More After 40

I believe defining your values becomes increasingly important once you reach your 40s, 50s, and 60s.

When you’re younger, it can feel like you have forever.

Then life starts teaching you otherwise.

• Your children grow up.
• Your parents get older.
• Your body changes.

People you love begin passing away.

And eventually, the question begins to change.

When you’re younger, you might spend a lot of time asking:

“What do I want to accomplish?”

There’s nothing wrong with that question.

I’m 57 years old, and I still have huge goals. There are things I want to build, people I want to help, places I want to go, and things I still want to accomplish.

But there’s another question that becomes much more important as you get older:

“How do I want to live the years I have left?”

That’s a different question.

It’s no longer only about what you can accumulate.

It’s about who you’re becoming.

• What you stand for.
• How you treat people.
• How you spend your time.
• Who gets your attention.
• What you’re contributing.

And eventually, what you’re leaving behind.

Your values help you answer those questions.

Choose Your Five Core Values

So here’s what I want you to do.

Choose your five core values.

Not fifteen.

Not twenty.

Five.

Maybe yours are family, health, faith, integrity, and service.

Maybe they’re freedom, courage, loyalty, responsibility, and growth.

There is no perfect list.

These need to be your values.

Once you have your five, don’t stop there.

Take each one and ask yourself:

What does living this value actually look like in my everyday life?

• If you say family is one of your values, look at your calendar. Is your family actually getting your time and attention?
• If you say health, look at your workouts, nutrition, mobility, sleep, recovery, medical appointments, and preventative care.
• If you say integrity, look at what you do when nobody is watching.
• If you say growth, ask yourself what you’re learning and how you’re developing.
• If you say service, ask yourself one of my favorite questions:

Whose life is better because you’re in it?

That’s when this exercise becomes real.

Because there’s often a gap between the values we claim and the values we live.

Don’t Feel Guilty About the Gap. Close It.

You may go through this exercise and realize you’re not living according to some of the values you just wrote down.

Good.

Seriously.

Because now you know.

• Maybe health is one of your top values, but you’ve neglected your body for years.
• Maybe family is one of your values, but work has been getting your best hours while your family gets what’s left over.
• Maybe growth matters to you, but you’ve been stuck in the same patterns for years.
• Maybe integrity is important, but there’s an area of your life where you know you’re compromising.
• Don’t beat yourself up.

This isn’t about guilt.

It’s about alignment.

Find the gap.

Then start closing it.

You don’t have to completely transform your life tomorrow.

Take one action.

Then another.

Then another.

That’s how your behavior gradually begins matching the man you say you want to be.

Take the 30 Day Values Test

Here’s a question I want you to sit with.

Imagine someone followed you around for the next 30 days.

• They could see everything you did, but they couldn’t hear anything you said.
• They could see what you ate.
• They could see whether you trained.
• They could see how you treated your wife.
• They could see how much time you gave your family.
• They could see how you spent your money.
• They could see what you watched.
• What you read.

How much time you spent scrolling.

How you behaved when nobody else was watching.

How you handled stress.

How you treated people who couldn’t do anything for you.

At the end of those 30 days, what would that person conclude your five most important values were?

That’s a powerful question.

Because you don’t get to explain yourself.

You don’t get to tell them what you intended to do.

All they have is the evidence.

Your actions.

And your actions will tell the story.

Your Over 40 Alpha Action

Today, write down the five values that matter most to you.

Then beside each one, finish this sentence:

“Living this value means…”

Be specific.

If health is one of your values, what behaviors demonstrate it?

If family is one, what behaviors demonstrate it?

If integrity is one, what does integrity look like when nobody’s watching?

Then look honestly at the last 30 days.

Where are you aligned?

Where have you drifted?

Where is the biggest gap between the man you say you are and the man your behavior demonstrates you’re becoming?

Choose one gap and take one action today to begin closing it.

That’s your work.

The Bottom Line for Men Over 40

Going through my father’s belongings has reminded me of something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

Eventually, the possessions disappear.

• The house gets sold.
• The furniture goes somewhere else.
• The boxes get emptied.
• The clothes get donated.
• But the way you lived continues through the people whose lives you touched.

That’s why defining your values matters.

Your values should influence how you eat, how you train, how you treat your family, how you serve other people, how you handle adversity, how you spend your time, and how you make difficult decisions.

So decide what you stand for.

Then live in a way that leaves no doubt.

Because at the end of the day:

Your values aren’t what you say matters to you.

Your values are what your life proves matters to you.

Get It Done!

Your Friend and Coach,

Funk Roberts